New family member

Yesterday we spent the day store browsing all of our favorite stores.The last one we went to was PetSmart. I was thinking of getting a larger aquarium or a canary. As a child we had a canary, named Dickey. Mom and I loved that bird. One morning I woke up and Dickey was laying on the floor of his cage. Mom and I both cried hard. He would sing whenever mom played the piano or we sang. So since that day she and I always wanted another. Well to shorten up this story, I’ve decided to get one. Mom gave me some money and I will use some to buy the canary, cage and other needs. We saw the bird and when I got home I did some thinking of care for either the aquarium or the bird. The bird is easier for me to care for then a larger tank. My hands won’t be able to do that many jugs of water when it came time to clean the aquarium. Cleaning the bird cage is much less stressful on my joints. 

This morning Mark and I went back to the pet store to get the canary and it’s needed things. I’m really excited and wish mom could see it and hear it sing. Well I hope it will be happy enough to sing. I’ll do my best.

After the canary cage was assembled my my dear hubby, I preceded to let the canary enter his new digs on his own. He flew right in and started to investigate. He loves the swing most of all. 

While Mark and I were eating lunch I mentioned that I may name the bird Tweety. Mark said something like, better than Carl. But hey, that just sounded so right. It's my gift from mom and her dad's name was Carl. So Carl the canary it is. We just hope it's a Carl and not a Carolyn. Males are the singers and females, not so much. Keeping my fingers crossed for a male. PS. It is difficult to figure out the sex of the bird even for the breeders.

Sadly PetSmart didn't have a stand so I ordered on from WM for $10 less than the one on the PetSmart webpage. They were exactly the same stand too. But it won't be here until next Friday. Which means Carl's cage is sitting on my curio cabinet until then.

Thunderstorm

Last night we went out for supper because I lost track of time and didn't want supper at 8. Our favorite place, The Eatery wasn't busy so we gave our order and received our food quickly. As usual the food and service was great.

Leaving the restaurant we saw a large dark cloud in the west that sent off cloud to ground lightning. It was quite a light show that sent hairs on my arm to stand up. Before we got home it started to rain huge drops and shortly after entering our home it started to rain in earnest. The wind, rain, thunder and lightning intensified to the point of scaring the daylights out of Lola. It had been a long time since we heard a storm like that.

As the wind roared some things on the porch took flight. Mums flew off of the swaying bookshelf, scatter rugs scattered across the porch and the rain rolled on the porch like waves on the lake. All this happening before poor Lola could go out to do her business. The storm lasted about 45 minutes and dropped a whopping 2 inches of rain, according to the news last night. It was also reported that some 9000 homes and businesses were without power. This morning the news stated that there were 13,000 without power. PTL we were not one of those people. Power is now being restored.

When the rain cleared, Mark took poor Lola out to go potty. The area where she usually walks to was flooded. That meant she didn't know where to do her dump.. She is really trained well as to where so can and can not go potty. So number two had to wait until morning. No amount of coaxing would convince her it was ok to "go" somewhere else. What a silly dog.

Another round of thunder, lightning and rain came back around 2 a.m. The noise woke me up out of a sound sleep even with my earplugs in. It was quite a window rattler again. Speaking of windows we were happy that none of the windows leaked in our new home. In fact we found no leaks anywhere. Thanks be to God. The little house had several windows that leaked.

Morning came with bright sunshine, little breeze and little humidity. So off to the laundry room I went, and Mark and Lola going to an early morning potty run. Lola was ready to go the minute I got out of bed. All the laundry is on the lines and with so little breeze will be out there for hours today. There is more heavy rain in the forecast so I hope the stuff will be dry before then.

Here are some shots of the storm approaching our area.........

Nice weather

The hot summer weather has disappeared. The last couple days I've been able to open the front and back doors to let fresh cool air inside and turn off the a/c units until after lunch. The nights were in the med to low 60's and the days in the upper 90's. Such great weather. Yesterday I enjoyed my morning coffee sitting on the front porch. And I'll be heading back out there to finish this mornings coffee as well.  Early this week was quite uncomfortable due to high humidity (by Yuma standards) caused by field irrigation and no breeze at night. Nights the windi is usually calm, but by afternoon the breeze chased the humidity out. With the nicer weather, it will be grilling time weather. So I think I'll clean the grill today and set out some hamburger for dinner and steaks for Mondays supper. Oh man that sure sounds good.

Last night Mark was notified that today when he goes in to work he will be trained in his new department. The new area includes, ammo and guns, rv supplies, sporting goods, paint and hardware. There is a lot of paper work involved in the guns and ammo to be learned as well as the process in which each department needs to be done. As of now he doesn't know is his wage will change or not. But he has told them that if the wage drops, he won't work there. His current managers gave him rave reviews as they well should. It sounds like there is less physical work in the new area which is why Mark considered the job. The produce section has changed to less help and more demanding work. Mark is neither lazy or a slouch, but he is retired and has done more than his share in hard physical work.

In spite of the warm weather I got the front porch looking nice. It's now a nice sitting area in the nice weather days ahead. The back porch is my next project on the outside. But it has to get cooler to work out there. That sun is still quite warm. And the back porch is in the sun in the mornings when the temp is cooler. I doubt we will ever sit out back but it still needs a good cleaning with the leaf blower or vacuum. We use it mostly for storing bulky items and cleaning supplies.

I found this map of the weather forecast for this winter. It looks like the snowbirds are going to be grumpy and pains in the butt again this year. Depending on when the rain comes, the farmers may or may not be happy. The farming here is such a science that rain at the wrong time really messed with a lot of scheduling for the harvest and next crop planting. Every field is green fall through the spring. So pretty.

Color

In Yuma there is no color change like in the northern states. So we add color by setting out real and fake flowers.

And since my favorite season is fall and the fall colors, I've put together a fall flower arrangement in a pot out front. Walmart had some mums that quite frankly weren't looking so good. But I thought some good watering might revive them. The white one I think is a lost cause, but I'll keep at it.

The weather was starting to turn to a more comfortable temp until Friday when the temps were on the rise again. Summer isn't quite ready to let go in the Sonoran desert. So this weekend it was quite warm. The nights are starting to cool into the low 80s and mid 70's now. Which means the a/c isn't running as long or as hard. And will be reflected in the next utility bill.

The snowbirds are filtering in already too. Does that mean they will leave early? That would be so nice. Or at least I hope it's a better bunch than last year. The stores and streets are getting much busier, making shopping and driving a headache. That could be a blessing in disguise. You don't spend money if you stay home. Oh, dear, online shopping. hehehe😊

Finally

Our Montana fifth wheel is finally sold. Had we been able to take it to a more reputable dealer it could have sold sooner. But we were pressed for time so we had to take it to where it was closer. We didn't get what we wanted for it, but got what we settled for to get rid of it and not have to pay insurance on it any longer.

We stopped for breakfast at Denny's, after turning over the title on the fiver. Such great service and food. The breakfasts were big enough to take us right to supper. 😋 When we got home we had to take Marks motorcycle to the bike shop, it again was not running good. It had run so good for the first week that he got it back from the shop. The service manager thought something had come loose and will get it in. Mark asked for a new front tire as well, the tire is looking pretty iffy. And in the heat of Yuma, the last thing you want to happen is get a flat tire on a desert road.

Since yesterday was such a nice day I decided to wash out and organize the cabinets on the porch. I have things in the house that I don't use often and will go out to the porch making room for things that I use often on the inside. By early afternoon I started to "glisten" and called it a day. I can finish  up this morning when it's cooler. It's a bit muggy out there at this moment but shortly the humidity will clear out. Once the porch cabinets are in order and more space has been acquired in the house cabinets, I can get to work on organizing the inside cabinets. There are also a couple totes in the little garage that I need to empty and find places for what's inside of them. When you have little storage you make use of every inch that you have. And organization is the key. My favorite thing to do, really, it is. 😊

Sad and celebration.

Today is mom's funeral. Funerals make for a sad day, but it should also be a celebration of life. A new life and the old. A day of remembering all the good times, the fun times, the hard times and the trials. A day to celebrate the life of a great lady, a strong lady right to the very end. To celebrate the end of pain and suffering that she had to endure for a very very long time, not just the days in hospice. A day to celebrate a new life in heaven with our Lord and Savior.

Today I want to think of all the things that mom enjoyed, what she did for her family and all the fun times with her. How strong she was, what she stood for and what she did for all of those around her. I don't want to think of her lying in the hospital bed looking so frail, when she was one not to lie around, not even on her bad days. My visions of the last times I saw her are hard to erase and I'm thankful that I didn't see her the last month of her time on earth. Seeing some pictures of her so frail isn't how I want to remember her. But those visions will be hard for my brothers, their families, and her husband to erase. They were the ones that were with her the most during her months of being in hospice. Those are not the memories that she would want us to remember. But to be remembered all that she did with her life,  her strength, and love of life.

Remember the good times as well as the bad, but never forget the love that she had of each and every one of us.

Go with God mommy, you will be missed here on earth by all who knew you.

14 “Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me. 2 In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. 3 If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also. 4 And you know the way where I am going.” John 14:1-4

Saturday, September 7th

Why

My dear cousin told me yesterday that the pastor of moms church will not allow anyone to speak other than himself at mom's funeral. Mom had requested such to be done. Patty was going to read a letter that I wrote to my mom as well as something she had. We are not sure that we will even be able to put them with anything either. What an odd pastor to not follow moms wishes.

After the initial tears of sadness on the day that mom passed I've been doing well. Now I'm more relieved that she is finally at peace and without pain. For more than 10 months I've had no contact with mom, so it has been like she was gone already. Imagine what it's like to be told you can't talk to your mom knowing she is alive? I'll tell you it hurts like hell. But that was the way it was for me. I went to writing letters so that she could at least read what I was doing and knew that I was thinking of her. Then came the day that I couldn't do that anymore because she was seldom awake to read them. She had gotten so ill that she was no longer awake. Her husband told me not to call and now I was unable to   write letters too.

Many days and nights I cried, mourned for my mom. Now the tears are  not as plentiful. I'm content in knowing that mom is in her heavenly home without pain or sadness. My tears now come from memories, happy tears of days gone by. No one can take my memories away from me.

We live many many miles from our home state so travel is costly and long. Twice in less than 10 months we went to MN, it is not an inexpensive trip for us. Some will be very angry at me for not attending moms funeral and some will understand. To me mom had already passed months before. I mourned a long time already. Funerals are for the living, for closure. I've had my closure a long time ago. I want to remember mom for the happy vibrant person that she was. Plus I don't want to take a chance on cruel words from her husband. He is the reason we didn't come visit more often. He always made me  feel unwelcome. Mom knew this and she understood how I felt.  She and I talked many times about the way he treated me. But like I said, he was good to mom and that is what was important. Anyway it's my choice to not go to moms funeral. Hate me, or dislike me, I don't care. My mom would understand. She knows me better than anyone else.

Here is my final letter to mom: 

Dear mommy,

On Monday August 26, I received a call with a request not to send any more letters to you. I was just heading out the door to drop a letter to you in the mailroom. I was told you were not awake anymore to read or hear them and it wouldn’t be long and you will be be home with our Lord.

 As I looked at the un-mailed letter laying next to my keyboard I realized that I’ve lost another way of communicating with you. First it was no phone calls were to be made to you. I was told you couldn’t hear on the phone, and then it was too hard for you to talk. Little by little I lost all verbal communication, and emails. So I decided to go the old fashioned way of communicating and started to write letters. The chisel and stone were too hard for me to handle, so I used my computer and printer, I couldn’t find a pen that worked either. It started out as one letter a week letting you know what we were up to just like I did for years when we emailed back and forth. As your condition worsened I began to mail a letter twice a week. I knew you couldn’t write back, but I  wanted you to know that I still thought of you everyday many times a day. 

Growing up you were so strong, such an inspiration, you endured so much pain in your adult life. You worked multiple jobs, sometimes in one day, so there was food on the table and clothes on our back. You hurt daily from the over work but did it all out of love for your family. But you never lost  faith or  love for God. You knew better days were coming, but did not know when. You were strong and fought for your children, your friends, family, and for your life. You never went down without a fight.You always were  strong  and you proved that again these last ten months as well. Thank you mom for all that you did and endured for me. God sure made an amazing person when he made you.

 I’ve never had your strength, but what I did have I learned from you. I don’t back down when I’m right even though some people call it being stubborn. I’ll stand up for my family even if it means I may end up with a black eye. Being knocked down just means I have to work harder to stay standing. I leaned on you many many times for the strength to do the right thing and learn more from you. I know when I was a teenager I tested your strength and love many times over. And you thought I would never learn. Sorry about those teenage years mom. But I too had a teenager at one time and we all know, What goes around comes around. A mother's love has no timestamp, it goes on forever no matter what.

 Moms are suppose to have all the answers. When you didn’t have the answer you would point out the One that has all the answers, God. Phone bills reflected on the amount of strength I needed from you in my early years. And later, thankfully, calls were free and along came emails. Calls were much more private if we were alone in the room, and I loved hearing your voice. My secrets will go with you  just as those from you will follow me to my grave, we made that promise to one another and I intend to keep it. We were not only mother and daughter but we were best friends.  Sometimes I got a kick in the pants, and sometimes all you needed to do was listen so I could sound off. But never did you ever say you were disappointed in me. You were my rock, my main support, my strength. You understood many things that no one else ever will. I will forever be lost without you, even though it has been many many months since we could share like we used to do. I do know that you will always be with me even if only in my heart and memories.

It is because of my faith that I know you are no longer in pain and you are with our Lord. And because of my faith, I also know I will see you again one day. With the strength you taught me, I’ll continue on  as you would want me to do. It won’t be easy, but with God's help, I can do anything.

Mommy, I know I’ve said my goodbyes to you, and told you that the next time I  see you will be in heaven.  And as you know, I don’t like to say good bye, it’s too final, So, like I ended our phone calls, I’ll just say, “ I love you mommy, talk to you later”. 

 You are forever in my heart,

Cindy

Gone but never to be forgotten

Around 5 am, I had a dream with mom in it. I went to her nursing home room and she was awake. She said I needed to see her new room so she got out of bed, she was so thin, but walked quickly.  We got to her new room , it was dark and I couldn’t figure out how to turn on the light switches, she didn't know either. Some people with no faces all in white came to the door and showed her how to turn on the lights. At that time I woke up. I had never seen that room before.  It was such an odd dream. As I laid in bed I was thinking that I was being told that mom’s room was ready for her and she was going to be taken to the light.

When I got out of bed this morning I half expected there to be a text telling me that mom had gone to her heavenly home.  I somehow felt that it won’t be long and she will be in her new “room”. And that she will be up walking and well soon.

About 7 hours of so later I got a call from my brother telling me that mom had passed some 20 minutes ago. That came as no surprise, after that dream. I felt at peace although filled with sadness. Mom is no longer hurting but happy and filled with the glory of our Lord and Saviour. She will live in my heart and memories forever. 

Nothing new

My stress level is through the roof. It's so hard waiting for or rather dreading the phone call that mom is gone. Mark smoking doesn't help one little bit either. Too much worry and not enough of putting it all in God's hands. Nothing I can do about any of it anyway.  And I don't like not knowing or not being prepared.

There is a Labor Day gathering here in the park, but we aren't going. It's so clicky, just like in high school and we've no time for that. So staying at home and having a t-bone steak smothered in mushrooms sounds much better than burgers and hot dogs. And I can just sit back and watch tv if that is what I want to do. I'm not very good company anyway.

I'd say it's time for fall things to come out of storage. So last night, after a very long nap, I took out some of my fall decorations. It was fun seeing what I still had even though it wasn't much. Sadly most of my favorite decorations went to thrift stores when we headed out in the fifth wheel. Time for new stuff??? hehehe

 Fall is my favorite season, even though there really aren't fall colors around here. But the lower temps are so very welcome. With fall comes the season of snowbirds. Not something anyone around here really looks forward to. The extra revenue that they bring is welcome but so many also bring bad superior attitudes. When we traveled down here in the winter we were amazed at how snooty some of them were. Oh there were some really nice ones, but few and far between. See, they are all here to party/vacation and have the money to do as they please.  They seem to have the impression that they are owed everything and respect nothing. So sad. Last year was a bad year here in the park.  There were some very disrespectful people here. They have since been blackballed and will have a hard time finding any place to stay this winter. Serves them right.  😍

Slowly but surely I'm putting my stamp on our home. The AZ room still need to be more personalized. But not this year yet. As I said before, I'm so sick of brown tan and beige that I'm replacing curtains and adding things with more color. The AZ room is mostly windows and window treatments are costly.  I don't have the patience anymore to make such large curtains. Yesterday Mark put up a sunscreen on the north side of the porch. It added some privacy, keeps the sand down. At some time he wants to add a sunscreen on the west. It would be a much smaller sunscreen. The porch really feels like an extra room now too. Come winter it will be used more than it is in the summer. As will our grill. I'm really hungry for something made on the outdoor grill.  Quite the opposite of our northern friends and family.